Prayer

Prayer, is a fascinating thing. This act (if it can simply be called an act) is our tangable bridge of relationship with God. The vehicle that often proves faith is evident and invokes the hand of God to salvation. Often it is the means by which we learn our true relation to the maker of all that is created. Prayer.

And yet, I have some difficulty with it. With, perhaps, how I have been taught prayer is used. What it is. How I have been taught to pray. The reason I have difficulty is this: (and I have only really been able to put words to it just recently) that how we understand how we relate to God/pray to Him, greatly affects our understanding of the kind of God He is - His characteristics, the truth of His views. This is true in any relationship. How you're told to communicate properly with certain individuals greatly changes what you think they're really like. If your parents tell you you can only call other adults Mr. & Mrs. so and so, and to do so is rude or whatever, how does this affect what you think of adults? Or society? Or what's acceptable or isn't?

This is troubling for me because how I have prayed/been taught to pray, has been limited. It, in the beginning at any rate, was mostly a formula. Kind of like coming before the audience chamber of a king. You don't just jump up to the throne and 'hang' with the king. There's protocol. You have to petition for an audience. Make sure your appeal is worthy to bring forth to the king. Follow the procedures in honouring Him when you enter the throne room. Only get so close; don't look at him for too long. Hope beyond hope that he has regard for your now seemingly insignificant request amongst the vast list of petitions he's already received, etc. But this is not prayer, far from it.

I used to have this magnet on my fridge. It said 'Pray, there is immeasurable power in it'. I hated that magnet. Not just because it had these cheesy pastel flowers on it, but because there is a small but incredibly subtle untruth in that statement. There is NOT immeasurable power in prayer. Meaning, there is not immeasurable power in WHAT I DO to affect what God can do. Only God has the claim and right to immeasurable power. That small phrase stinks of manipulation - of faith based on works. The works being: the harder I pray, the longer I pray, the more I pray, the earlier I pray, the more likely God will hear me, do something, listen, help me, change my circumstances, relieve my guilt, make me holier, more godly, spiritual and so on and so on. And is this not how and why we are taught to pray?? Even subtly? I remember being taught the old A.C.T.S. acronymn. That 4 step process to positive prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication. But they all formulas! How do you put a formula to a relationship? How to you formulize (I just made that word up) communication between friends? I have to laugh thinking that if I stepped up to my best friend and looked him in the eye and began reciting that acronymn and repeating the steps and voicing my structured thoughts to him how sick he'd become of my attempt to communicate with him. No matter how sincere my attempt, my own understanding of prayer would keep me at a distance from my friend that He never intended or wanted.

So ... what is prayer then? Well, first, I must say that all my life I have most sincerely sought to communicate with the Lord. And I felt that He has always been gracious to listen to me despite my misunderstandings. But my knowledge and understanding of Him is changing ... all the time. Because He is HUGE and beyond comprehension. And so my understanding of how I relate to Him changes ... all the time. I find that prayer is far larger and encompasses far more than we would probably like or feel comfortable admitting. To me, I think, prayer is every thing I do that affects my relationship with my creator. Which is really ... everything I do and say and think and experience. My whole life is prayer, everything about it, if I'm conscious to remember that God is at all times amongst me, listening, watching, working, caring. So, in my mind's eye, when I'm walking silently up the road to work in the morning on a crisp winter day with the sunlight falling through bare branches and the wind whistling over cold mountains, my God my friend walks with me beside me, enjoying the same crisp morning I am. And so I commune with my God. When my heart aches to hear of how a friend has lost someone he loves to death, my God aches with me! When in conversation about difficult and trying issues and circumstances with my wife, we are not only talking to each other by also sharing with our Lord. For He listens and acts and yearns with us. Most every, if not every, conversation I have with another person, is a prayer. It is communication with the Almighty - '... for whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' (Matt. 25:40) and '... men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.' Sobering thoughts for me. I am not trying to make excuses for my own failings, but I will certainly not choose to treat God as less than He is. As though I have power over His will. I don't think those great men and women of faith cause great things to happen because of how they pray. I think they have a deep understanding of God's character and are close to Him and we see that and we wish we could be like them, perhaps, and we wonder what must we DO! But it is not what we DO! It is perhaps simply BEING with God. It is knowing Him, being loved by Him and returning that love. Perhaps. I'm not sure. I'm still working through it all and likely always will be.